Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
