I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
