Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Quick, to the slutcave!
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
