im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
