I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
