Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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