just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just forgot I was standing up.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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