wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
