He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Randomize
