all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
