so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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