Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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