I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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