she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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