His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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