peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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