What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
