How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
