She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
