he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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