He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
