Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
