Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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