Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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