My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
