he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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