is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
