gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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