we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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