So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
