We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
