i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
