So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
