I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
