I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
