theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
