I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
