And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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