well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
