just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
