There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize