Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
