so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
