S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
