Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
