he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
