You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
