Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
