Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
