jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
