A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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