That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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