i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
