I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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