You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
So squirting runs in the family.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
