Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
