I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just forgot I was standing up.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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