You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
