My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
