I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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