the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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