how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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