I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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