Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
