Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
