the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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