It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
