they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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