dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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