When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm getting married
To pizza
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
