I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
