How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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