just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
