he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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