She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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