Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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