porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
