go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I need to stop coming to work sober
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
