I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
