I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
