she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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