that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
