My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
