The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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