i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
